Survivor: Pop Culture Edition
by The French Mime
Summary: What happens when the likes of Darth Vader, Peter Griffin, Jack Bauer, One of the Powerpuff Girls, Medusa the snakehaired gorgon and more are on ABC's Survivor? Hosted by The Simpson's own Dr. Nick!
1. The Sorting

**Survivor: Hawaii**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Survivor or any of the characters who are in this fan fiction. They are property of their respective owners and I make no claim at infringement._

**Dr. Nick: **Hi, everybody! I'm Dr. Nick! I'm the host of this here reality television show! We have taken 16 people, and given them a chance to win one million dollars! Although half of it will go to the IRS. But it's still a lot of money.

The rules to the game are simple. We put these people on an island off the coast of Hawaii. We divide the 16 contestants into two "tribes." They will compete against the other tribe in a series of challenges every three days. The losing team of each challenge will have to choose and vote off one of their own team members. When there are 8 contestants left they will become one tribe and it will be everybody for themselves.

They have to set up their camp and find food without technology. Not even a toilet. Of course the camera crew gets their own Porta-A-Potty and a free lunch everyday!

The contestants are arriving by boat. Here they come! What great timing!

----------------------

The contestants step off the boat one by one.

**Dr. Nick: **Hi, Everybody!

**Everybody: **Hi, Dr. Nick!

**Dr. Nick: **Please introduce yourselves to the audience at home!

**----**

**Dr. John Zoidberg: **Hello! I'm Dr. Zoidberg! I'm a Dr. Doctor for a delivery service.

**Darth Vader: **I am Darth Vader. I'm a sith lord.

**Wolverine: **My name's Logan but I also go by Wolverine. I'm a member of the X-Men.

**Jack Bauer: **I'm Jack Bauer. I work for the Counter-Terrorist Unit.

**Gaz: **I'm Gaz. Don't talk to me or touch me or get in my way and you won't have any broken bones. growls

**Homestar Runner: **Hello! I'm Runstar Homer! I mean, Homestar Runner!

**Peter Griffin: **Hello. I'm Peter Griffin. I currently work in a beer factory.

**Jigglypuff: **Jiggly, jigglypuff!

**Kenny McCormick: **muffled I'm Kenny McCormick and I'm in the 4th grade.

**C. Montgomery Burns: **Hello. I'm Montgomery Burns. I am not a millionaire. chuckles.

**Rogue: **I'm Rogue. I'm currently part of the X-Men.

**Roseanne: **I'm Roseanne Conner. I work at a restaurant.

**Blossom: **Hi! I'm Blossom. I'm a superhero!

**Lara Croft: **I'm Lara Croft. I'm an archeologist.

**Medusa: **Bag over head. I am Medusa. I am a gorgon.

**Buffy Summers: **And I'm Buffy Summers. I slay vampires.

---

**Dr. Nick: **This is good! We shall now sort you into two tribes! By pulling names out of this cowboy hat I have here! The two tribes will be Shimatsu and Pilofi!

First name picked; Dr. Zoidberg! You're in Shimatsu!

**Zoidberg: **Hooray! Zoidberg is first!

**Dr. Nick: **Second up, Homestar Runner! You'll be in Pilofi!

**Homestar: **Alright!

**Dr. Nick: **Next, Roseanne! You're in Shimatsu.

And this next one says Darth Vader. So you are in Pilofi!

This one says Kenny. Kenny is in Shimatsu! Next; Blossom. You're in Pilofi!

shuffles the names up a bit. Okay. Wolverine is in Shimatsu! Jack is in Pilofi. Gaz is in Shimatsu. Medusa is in Pilofi!

Next one is in Shimatsu…

**Kenny: **To himself, muffled That hot chick, that hot chick!

**Dr. Nick: **Peter! Next up for Pilofi, is Rogue!

Buffy is in Shimatsu! Lara is in Pilofi!

Two more…

**Gaz: **To herself Not the pink one. Not the pink one…

**Dr. Nick: **For Shimatsu, Jigglypuff!

**Jigglypuff: **Jiggly!

**Gaz: **NOOOOOO! You will pay Dr. Nick. You will pay…

**Dr. Nick: **Okay! Anyways, that leaves Burns for Pilofi. Okay! Here are maps to your camp sites. I'll be having some steak with the camera crew!

Tribe Standings:

**Shimatsu**: **Pilofi**:

Zoidberg Darth Vader

Peter Griffin Jack Bauer

Wolverine Mr. Burns

Kenny Homestar

Roseanne Rogue

Jigglypuff Lara Croft

Gaz Medusa

Buffy Blossom


	2. Days 1 and 2

**Survivor: Hawaii**

**Dr. Nick: **Hi Everybody! Welcome back to Survivor! Let's watch how these suckers do on Day 1!

**Day 1:**

**Shimatsu:**

**Peter: **Ok. Well first things first. We need fresh water and food.

**Wolverine: **I'll go fish.

**Buffy: **I'll go look for drinkable water.

**Gaz: **I am going to sit here and play my Game Slave II. And if any of you have a problem with that…

_Gaz leers at them all_

**Roseanne: **I thought you weren't allowed to bring technology on this island.

**Gaz: **The guy in the dark armor has technology…

**Jigglypuff: **Jiggly!

**Gaz: **I hate you so much…

**Pilofi:**

**Blossom: **Well, we should start looking for food. Anyone want to help me go look for berries?

**Vader: **I shall come.

**Jack: **We'll stay here and start to build fire and a camp. There's supposed to be a fresh water reserve on this island so try and get some water from there.

Can anyone help me set up these tents?

**Homestar: **Ooh.. Pick me!

**Jack: **But you don't have any…arms…

_Homestar picks up a piece wood and starts trying to bounce it on his head._

**Homestar: **One…Two…Three…

_The wood drops._

**Homestar: **Aww…

**Shiamtsu:**

**Wolverine: **Well I got some fish.

**Zoidberg: **Fish?

_Zoidberg eats it all in a few seconds._

**Wolverine: **That was for all of us. It took me 3 hours to catch…

**Gaz: **He ate all the food? You will pay! You will pay big time. I will have my revenge…

**Zoidberg: **…HOORAY!

**Roseanne: **Great! Now what do we eat!

**Kenny muffled: **I'm so hungry.

**Peter: **I just hope Buffy gets back with the water soon. I'm thirsty. What's taking her so long?

**Near Fresh Water Supply:**

**Buffy: **You're going down!

**Nosferatu: **Nicht eine Wahrscheinlichkeit!

_Buffy kicks him. He lunges at her but she sidekicks his face. She sticks a stake in Nosferatu. He looks worried as he turns into dust._

**Buffy (To Self): **There. Now I can get this water back to the tribe…

**Shimatsu:**

**Buffy: **I'm back. Sorry it took so long. Catch any fish?

**Wolverine: **I did but that lobster ate it!

**Roseanne: **Yeah! I havn't gone without food for a whole day before!

**Kenny muffled: **I can see that!

_Kenny laughs._

**Peter: **This is worse than the time I was on that Fox reality series "How Long Can You Go Without Food?"

_Cutaway:_

**Host: **Ok. I'm going to put this big pie here. You can take it if you want but then you'll be…eliminated…

_Peter is eating the pie like a dog eats._

**Peter: **Uuum…You didn't say 'Go'?

_End Cutaway._

**Pilofi: **

**Jack: **We should probably start a fire to roast the fish and to boil the water to make sure there's no bacteria.

**Blossom: **I'll take care of that!

_She fires heat beams from her eyes roasting the fish, boiling the water, and then starting a camp fire._

**Day 2:**

**Shimatsu:**

**Wolverine: **Okay. I got some more fish. This time Zoidbeg can't have any.

**Zoidberg: **Aaaw…

**Wolverine: **Roseanne, did you start the fire like I asked?

**Roseanne: **Does it look like it? What do I know about starting fires!

**Wolverine: **…Okay. Peter and Buffy. Can you start the fire?

**Peter: **Well. Let's see. It can't be much harder than that fire I started before.

_Cutaway:_

**Chicago 1871:**

_Peter is next Mrs. O'Leary's cow._

**Peter: **Well cow. I fed you. I should probably go collect my pay for taking care of you.

_He walks off and trips causing the lantern to spark and set the barn on fire._

_End Cutaway:_

**Pilofi:**

**Burns: **Pass me some more of that fish you caught earlier Nader.

**Vader: **It's Vader. Darth Vader.

**Burns: **Yes, yes. Whatever!

**Lara: **You're the only person here who hasn't done anything to help us!

**Burns: **I'm an old man!

**Lara: **Well you thought you were fit enough to try and win on this show. Proove it!

**Burns: **Okay!

_Burns gets up off of his branch chair that Medusa made._

**Burns: **Crack! Oops! I think I threw my hip out! I should really sit down!

**Lara: **Mumbling Lazy asshole…

---------------------------------------------

The first challenge will be in the next Chapter. R&R.


	3. The First Challenge

-1**Survivor: Hawaii**

**Day 3:**

**Shimatsu:**

**Buffy: **Well, today is the first challenge. There should be instructions in the mailbox.

**Peter: **Woah! We can get mail on this island? Then my Hustler should have arrived today.

**Buffy: **What? No. The…This isn't for your mail to go in you idiot. It's so we can learn where to go for the challenges.

**Peter: **Oh. Well where are we supposed to go?

**Buffy: **We all need to head the beach.

**At the Beach:**

The Pilofi tribe is already there when Shimatsu arrives.

**Dr. Nick: **Hi everybody!

**Everybody: **Hi Dr. Nick!

**Homestar: **…Marshmellow Man!

**Dr. Nick: **You may be wondering what your challenge is. Well on the line between the jungle and beach there are two giant trees. You have an unlimited amount of time to cut down your teams tree. First to finish gets immunity! The losers must vote somebody off!

Your time starts now!

**Shiamtsu:**

**Wolverine Deploys Claws: **Okay, this will be easy!

Wolverine starts hacking at the tree.

**Pilofi:**

**Blossom: **Let me do this!

_She uses her heat vision to slice the tree down. The tree comes down. Kenny looks at it and covers his head as it is about to land on him. The tree comes down. Kenny looks at realizes it was one inch away from him._

**Dr. Nick: **Team Pilofi wins!

**Pilofi team: **Yea!

**Homestar: **Aaw right!

**Dr. Nick: **Shimatsu tribe must meet me tonight for a tribe meeting! You must vote someone off of your tribe!

**The Tribe Meeting:**

**Dr. Nick: **You guys failed! So now you can go up to the camera, insult whoever your voting and off and write their name down. The one with the most votes gets voted off! First to vote will be Zoidberg!

**Voting:**

**Zoidberg: **I've made so many friends.

_Flashback._

_**Gaz: **I hate you so much…You will pay…_

_---_

_**Roseanne: **Great going you idiot!_

_---_

_**Peter: **I'm so hungry I could eat Zoidberg!_

_---_

This is such a hard choice! I guess I'll vote off that Roseanne. She's always wining and wini-

**Roseanne: **HURRY IT UP BACK THERE!

------------------

**Peter: **You know. I'm gonna have to vote for Roseanne. Shut up. Not everything is gonna be perfect. You, you chose to be on this show to prove your skilled enough to win. All you've done is bitch.

-------------------------------

**Gaz: **I hate them all so much…But I'll do anything to get rid of the puffball…

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**Kenny muffled: **Roseanne's just a fat bitch.

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**Buffy: **Zoidberg ate almost all our food! I can't go on with him!

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**Roseanne: **I can't believe that lobster! Well he better leave!

-------------------------------

**Wolverine: **I spent THREE F HOURS catching fish! That Zoidberg's going down…

-------------------------------

**Jigglypuff: **Jiggly-Jigglypuff! Puff!

-------------------------------

**Dr. Nick: **Let's count the votes! Whoever gets the most votes will be voted out!

Lets see! One vote for Zoidberg!

One for Roseanne!

Two for Roseanne!

One for Jigglypuff.

**Gaz: **Yes…

**Dr. Nick: **Two for Zoidberg.

Three for Zoidberg.

Three for Zoidberg.

And…Four for…Roseanne! Roseanne. The tribe hates you! Please turn in your torch!

**Roseanne: **This is so unfair!

**Dr. Nick: **…Go away!

Well I'll see you all tomorrow Shiamtsu tribe. Except for Roseanne!


	4. Days 4 and 5

**Day 4:**

**Dr. Nick: **Hi everybody! Welcome back to Survivor: Pop Culture Edition (Now with 50 less grammatical errors). We took a long break when the author decided not to give a shit. But now we're back. When we last left off the Shimatsu Tribe had lost the first challenge and had to vote one of their own off the island. They chose Roseanne. Now we return on Day 4.

**Shimatsu Tribe:**

**Wolverine: **Alright, I've caught some more fish. Somebody keep an eye on Zoidberg and make sure he doesn't eat it all.

_-The tribe starts to cook and eat their freshly caught fish-_

**Wolverine: **Wait a minute...Where is Zoidberg?

_-Everyone looks around. As they're looking Zoidberg sneaks up and eats all the fish.-_

**Wolverine: **WHAT THE-!? That's it, bub!

_-Wolverine reveals his claws and chases Zoidberg-_

**Zoidberg: **Whoop whoop whoop!

--------------

**Pilofi Tribe:**

**Jack: **I found these pineapples, anybody have a way to cut them?

**Mr. Burns: **Aah...Now is the time for me to proove my worth. As I have brought my swiss army knife.

_-Mr. Burns struggles to switch his knife open.-_

**Mr. Burns: **Oh, it's quite old, must be rusty. Almost got it.

**Rogue: **Let me see that.

_-She takes the knife a flips it with no trouble. She then cuts up the pineapples into pieces.-_

**Mr. Burns: **Outshow C. Montgomery Burns will you?

**Rogue: **We're on the same team.

**Mr. Burns: **For how long? I will have my revenge! Smithers!

_-Smithers comes out from the bushes-_

**Smithers: **Yes Mr. Burns?

**Medusa: **Where did he come from!?

**Mr. Burns: **Oh, he follows me everywhere. Now Smithers, schedule revenge on...Let's say October 17th.

**Smithers: **Yes sir.

------------------------

**Day 5:**

**Shimatsu Tribe:**

_-Gaz and Kenny are near the beach away from the rest of the tribe.-_

**Gaz: **I think we should form one of those alliance things.

**Kenny (Muffled): **Against who?

**Gaz: **Jigglypuff. look at her - him - whatever it is! Doesn't it make you want to puke?

**Kenny (Muffled): **You do have a point...We'll need some others.

**Gaz: **What the hell are you saying? Whatever, we'll need a few others on our side.

**Kenny (Muffled): **But who?

**Gaz: **I think we may be able to get that fat guy on our side.

-_Back with the rest of the tribe. Buffy and Peter are trying to restrain Wolverine from killing Zoidberg.-_

**Zoidberg: **Please! Let me explain! I was hungry! I hadn't eaten before we got here!

**Wolverine: **I'LL FING KILL YOU!

**Zoidberg: **But I plan to visit family in September!

------------

**Pilofi:**

**Homestar: **Do do da da! Homestar run! Do de do da! Homestar Run! AH-RIGHT!

**Rogue: **Somebody shut him up!

**Homestar: **Hoooome...staaaaar...RUN!

**Darth Vader: **Shut up or I'll force choke you.

**Homestar:** ...AH-RIGHT!

**Vader: **That's it!

_-Vader begins to force choke Homestar. Homestar doesn't seem to mind and continues singing as best he can.-_

**Vader: **It's no use.

**Homestar: **Do de da da! Homestar Run!

_-Mr. Burns walks in naked-_

**Mr. Burns: **Sorry...I seem to have soiled the bath water.

**Jack: **Bath wat...THAT WAS OUR DRINKING WATER!

**Burns: **Oh, well I'm deeply sorry, Smithers, would you please administer the standard employee apology?

-_Smithers hands Jack a $5 gift certificate to the Kwik-E-Mart-_

**Burns: **Excellant...

-----------

Next chapter when I feel like it.


	5. Day 6 and Challenge 2

**Day 6:**

**Previously on Survivor: Pop Culture Edition**

-------------  
**Wolverine: **I'll kill you Zoidberg! We all need food you bastard!

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**Roseanne: **You voted ME off!?

**Dr. Nick: **Go away!

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**Mr. Burns: **Sorry, I seem to have soiled the bath water.

**Jack Bauer: **THAT WAS OUR DRINKING WATER!

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**Captain Kirk: **KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

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_And now back to Survivor: Pop Culture Edition._

**Shimatsu Tribe:**

**Peter Griffin: **Alright, our next challenge is today so we should be prepared for anything.

**Wolverine: **I think we'd be a lot better off if we could actually get some food!

_Wolverine glares at Zoidberg._

**Dr. Zoidberg: **Why is everyone looking at me?

------------

**Pilofi Tribe:**

**Medusa: **What time is the challenge?

**Jack Bauer: **We have an hour to prepare.

**10:03:31**

**10:03:32**

**10:03:33**

**10:03:34**

------------

**One Hour Later:**

_At the beach_

**Dr. Nick: **Hi everybody!

**Everybody: **Hi Dr. Nick!

**Dr. Nick: **Your next challenge is now. Your challenge is...

_Tension builds. Zoom ins on various contestants who are sweating including Mr. Burns, Jack, Wolverine, Blossom, and Homestar Runner, who is singing to himself._

**Dr. Nick: **An eating contest! You must eat these live grubs! First team to eat a total of 30 wins. Because Pilofi has one more member they must eat 33. Bring out the crappy food!

_Teamers bring out tables with silver dishes crawling with grubs._

**Dr. Nick: **Begin!

_Almost immedietly Zoidberg jumps on the table and eats the entire tray. He then continues to eat Pilofi tribe's dish._

**Dr. Nick: **Wow! That was fast. We're gonna need to fill that airspace somehow. I guess we can show a rerun of Mr. Ed. Now, Pilofi tribe must meet me at the tribal counsel tonight!

**----------------**

**That Night:**

_Tribal Counsel_

**Dr. Nick: **Now it is time to vote one of your own off! Write down on those papers who you want to LEAVE the island. Darth Vader will start.

-----

**Vader: **That Homestar Runner must leave. He is the single most annoying being I have ever encountered. Yeah, even more than Jar Jar Binks. You heard me!  
_Homestar Runner: 1 Vote_

_-----_

**Mr. Burns: **Oh how these people will rue the day they dared to insult C. Montgomery Burns! Especially that Bauer fellow.

_Homestar Runner: 1 Vote ** Jack Bauer: 1 Vote**_

_-----_

**Rogue: **Two words: Homestar Runner

_Homestar Runner: 2 Votes **Jack Bauer: 1 Vote**_

_-----_

**Lara Croft: **Homestar may be annoying but Mr. Burns may very well be putting our lives at risk.

_Homestar Runner: 2 Votes **Jack Bauer: 1 Vote** Mr. Burns: 1 Vote_

_-----_

**Jack Bauer: **Burns may very well cause us all to die. Now we need to fetch more drinking water and who knows what else he's done.

_Homestar Runner: 2 Votes **Jack Bauer: 1 Vote** Mr. Burns: 2 Votes_

_-----_

**Homestar Runner: **Geez...What's with those people? Do da da do!

_Homestar Runner: 2 Votes **Jack Bauer: 1 Vote ** Mr. Burns: 2 Votes **Everybody! Everybody!: 1 Vote**_

_-----_

**Blossom: **I havn't been in either of these chapters! What's going on!? I guess I'll vote off Burns. He seems incapable.

_Homestar Runner: 2 Votes ** Jack Bauer: 1 Vote ** Mr. Burns: 3 Votes ** Everybody! Everbody!: 1 Vote**_

_-----_

**Medusa: **Mr. Burns, by far, is the most useless person here.

_Homestar Runner: 2 Votes **Jack Bauer: 1 Vote **Mr. Burns: 4 Votes **Everybody! Everybody!: 1 Vote**_

_-----_

**Dr. Nick:** It's now time to count the votes!

_Dr. Nick sticks his hand into the jar and begins pulling out names._

**Dr. Nick: **Let's see here...Homestar Runner! Mr. Burns! Homestar! Jack! Burns! Burns! Everybody! And...Burns!

Mr. Burns, the tribe has spoken, and they hate you. You have been voted off the island.

**Burns:** You will all rue the day you messed with me!

**Smithers: **Mr. Burns, your jetpack is awaiting.

**Burns: **Excellant.

**Dr. Nick: **Well. That was Survivor: Pop Culture Edition. Now for Mr. Ed.

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**Narrator: **A horse is a horse of course of course...


End file.
